FORGIVEN
Jason Christopher Hackwith
“I am the chief of sinners,” Paul said to Timothy (1 Tim 1:15). Not that it’s a competition, but just between you and me, I think I have him beat.
Brennan Manning once said that “Christians find it easier to believe that God exists than that God loves them.” I get the difficulty. I have so many regrets in my life. Sometimes I think that I am a curse upon my family and friends. I definitely don’t get why Jesus wants me in His family. I’m that weird guy who everybody shakes their head at from time to time. What was he thinking? Was he thinking?
Yet, Jesus loves me. I’m utterly convinced of that. Like Brennan was so fond of saying: He loves me as I am, not as I should be; because I will never be as I should be. Grace isn’t grace if you deserve it. Grace is unmerited favor. I’ve been shown grace by so many and I am so grateful, but the Grace that covers me? That’s beyond my comprehension.
C.S. Lewis wrote a poem called “After Prayers, Lie Cold” that captures how I feel exactly after I have once again sought forgiveness for my many faults:
“And be alone, hush’d mortal, in the sacred night,
A meadow whipt flat with the rain, a cup
Emptied and clean, a garment washed and folded up,
Faded in colour, thinned almost to raggedness
By dirt and by the washing of that dirtiness.”
I’m pretty faded and worn, but I’m still here. One more pilgrim on the long, long road; my burden lying there at the foot of the Cross, looking small and unassuming now that it has been released from my shoulders. My body may be tired and beaten down, but my spirit is oh, so lifted up.
One more step. Grace makes no sense, and yet it makes all the sense in the world.
“Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.”
Lost and found, cradle to shroud;
I ebb and flow within this tide,
Yet in my weakness, I abide;
Even in weakness, I abide.
My eyes are dim, my ears are closed.
I cannot bear this weary road,
Yet though I stumble, I press on;
Yes, even so, I will press on.
My knees are bruised, but now I stand;
My heart lies firmly in Your hands,
Your Grace enough for even me;
Yes, Grace enough for even me.
Copyright © 2001-2024 by JCH
“I went to a men’s ministry breakfast back in 2012 at New Bridges Community Church (now River City Church) and was asked to share my story. I had survived my third heart attack, my wife had recently left me, I was severely depressed and I was really struggling to get by.
Unbeknownst to me, after I left, some of the men took up a collection. They were touched by my story but they didn’t know my name. Pastor Brad Bramlet later handed me an envelope containing their donations. His gentle smile said it all.
These dear, dear men couldn’t remember my name, but they remembered me—and they wanted to help. On the envelope was written: Jackson (crossed out), John? (crossed out), and then in big letters, JOB.
It touched me to my core. Their grace was a light in my darkness.”
“To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God’s grace means.”
Photo by the amazing Jackson David, courtesy of Unsplash.
FOR TIME IS OFTEN DARKNESS
“God has made my heart faint; the Almighty has terrified me. Yet I am not silenced by the darkness, by the thick darkness that covers my face.”
Be who you are, and if you do not know
Just who you are, be what you know.
Exist, and move, and breathe in,
Breathe out; but do not take it for granted.
Progress is a comfortable disease,
Yet comfort does not always equal progress.
Be comforted in your pain, she is a faithful friend
That will not leave you when all else is gone;
And though she may not be a welcome visitor,
You may yet find peace in her sad company.
Rejoice to find the day—and more, the night;
For time is often darkness, and little light
Often bathes the narrow way. Be tried, be true;
And do not fear the road that changes you.
Copyright © 2001-2024 by JCH
